Unbelieveable.

I thought my bad luck had passed. After all the craziness of last winter/spring, my life had started to calm down. My panic has been under control, and I had finally begun to pull myself out of a deep depression. I was reconnecting with friends, my job was going well, and I was really excited for birthdays, weddings, new tattoos, hanging out by the pool with Katie, and long nights drinking porch beers with my friends.

Sunday night, we went to the Belmont in Hamtramck. We had a great time chatting it up with Tait and Darcie, and it was a great night. On Monday, we celebrated Eric's birthday. We went to schedule an appointment for his new tattoo (a birthday gift from me) and played skee-ball at Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum. We stopped by his parent's house so Eric could open gifts. Huey the cat came out to get pets and wish Eric a happy birthday before retreating to his chair. We then headed out for a nice evening with friends in downtown Utica. Right as the night was winding down, we get a text message from Chelsie, Eric's sister. Huey had hurt his paw jumping off his chair and he was in a lot of pain. Huey is a 17 year old cat, and has been very sick. Seizures, strokes, and renal failure. We went right over to the house, and instantly, I was in tears watching this poor cat try to get around and hide. We made the horrible decision to take Huey to the vet to be put down. Eric and I took Huey to a 24-hour vet. The whole way, he was crying, and so was I. I tried my best to comfort him on his last car ride. I was bawling as we walked him in to the vet. We signed all the papers, and they took Huey into the back. They made a pawprint in clay. We spent some time with him, and then it was time. I gave him a kiss and some gentle pets and walked out. It was fast, and he didn't suffer. The ride back to the house was quiet. Neither one of us knew what to say. After dropping off Huey's pawprint and giving hugs, we went home. It was very late. I had a meeting at the office the next day, but Sara and Katie knew what was going on with Huey, and I told them to tell everyone that I couldn't make it.

I wish I would have gone to the meeting.

Recently, Starbucks announced that it would be closing 600 corporate-run stores nationwide. Lots of different things factored into the decisions on what stores to close. I was positive that my store was safe. Yeah, we have been slower than normal, but between the Art and Apples festival and the holiday light fiasco, we made up for it.

Or so I thought.

My store is closing. I have a choice between a possible store transfer or a severance package. I really don't know what I should do. I just know that I am scared and really sad. I love my store, and my coworkers are family to me.

I have been sitting around all day reeling from the events of the last two days. If only I could go back 48 hours so I can spend just a little more time before shit hit the fan. I know that a lot of people are far worse off than me. But, as my dad said to me yesterday, I have never been able to deal with change well. It takes a long time for me to adjust to new routines, places, and people.

I know I'll be fine, but I'm feeling pretty lousy right now.

Shadowplay

I have recently rediscovered Joy Division. Today, I was (and still am) feeling under the weather, and I decided to read "Touching From a Distance" by Deborah Curtis, wife of Joy Division front man Ian Curtis. While it was a really compelling read, sometimes the ideas you have about certain things and people are much better than the reality. She paints a very bitter picture of him, partly because I believe some of it was true, and some of it was bitterness over the failed marriage and the anger and guilt of his eventual suicide. I have always been a big fan of Factory Records and the Manchester music scene from the late 70's through the 80's. In my opinion, some of the most brilliant, innovative, and influential music came out of this town during this time.

Anyway, I thought I would share a few of my favorite Joy Division clips.



"Transmission", September 15, 1979




"Shadowplay", 1978, Granada Reports.




"She's Lost Control", September 15, 1979




"Love Will Tear Us Apart" April, 1980

Sunshine

I went to Mr. B's with Brian earlier this afternoon to talk about fabulous things and sit in the sunshine. The rooftop deck is marvelous. But now I have a sunburn. Ow.

I'm really looking forward to Kevin's visit this weekend. Should be good times.

I have an idea for a story I want to write. Now I need to actually get my lazy ass to work on it. Maybe if it is nice on Sunday, I'll go to the park and write.

I have had this weird thing going on lately, where I crave solitude, but I can't stand being by myself. I'll go places and completely zone out, but I don't want to stay at home. I feel self-conscious about my lack of input in a group conversation, and then I over-compensate, and then I feel ridiculous. I don't know. I'm an odd girl. That probably doesn't make sense at all.

My insomnia is kicking my ass.

One last thing before I quit.

Shit planet

So...my life has been really intense over the last week or so. I'm dealing with some some major personal stuff, I haven't been sleeping, and I've kind of sunk into a little bit of a slump. I try not to talk about it or complain about it too much, because I know there are people far worse off than me. But yeah...I've been feeling pretty lousy lately. Things are starting to really pile up and I am starting to feel like I will never be able to catch up or get some rest.

Towards the end of my day at work, the weather warmed up, the sky cleared, and it was a gorgeous evening. I think it is marvelous how something as simple as a nice evening can lift you up, even a tiny bit.

Speaking of work, I had something kind of gross and weird happen today. Our pest control man came to change out our stuff we use to keep bugs away. Since I was the manager on duty, he asked me if we were having any issues. I told him that we were having a bit of a fruit fly problem. He said they were coming from the floor drain. He told me to pour hot water and bleach down there, and that should do the trick.

Well, since I had it fresh on my mind and nothing else to do, I started pouring water down the drain. The water wasn't draining down, so I figured that the drain was clogged. So, I went to the hardware store to buy some industrial strength drain cleaner. Which is basically just sulfuric acid. I started to pour it, and smoke came up. While that was kind of cool, I kind of stepped back, because I was afraid of toxic fumes, or something of that nature. It's a good thing I stepped way back, because what happened next was outrageously disgusting.

*The faint of heart might want to skip this paragraph.*

Instead of the water going down into the drain, where it belongs, raw sewage started bubbling up out of the drain. I shit(pardon my pun) you not. It was one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. The whole store smelled like crap. I've never seen a busy Starbucks clear out so fast. We may have been been breaking a rule by not evacuating, being that we had a major biohazard in our back room, but that would mean I would have to call Cece, and I just wasn't willing to do that. We got the mess cleaned up, and the sewage stopped coming up. I did make an emergency call to a plumber, and invited anyone I knew to come into the back room and ask them if they could smell anything. Ha...I have the sense of humor of an eleven year old boy, and I love it.

So, because of that, we kept all the doors wide open, and I was able to enjoy the beautiful evening.

I'm off for the next couple of days. I have a few things going on...I'm going to a show tomorrow night, and have some plans in the works for Saturday. I just hope I'm able to relax a little bit. I feel like I have been rode hard and put away wet.

I know I'm right.

But that doesn't make it any easier. I just did a really scary thing, but I know it was the right thing to do.

Now I just need to breathe.