Rant.

I rarely let things really or people bother me too much. If they do, I don't bother other people with my nonsense. It sounds harsh, but I am pretty good at cutting people out of my life if I find them to be damaging to me. And I rarely feel guilt or pain over it.

I keep most people, even my closest friends (hell, even Eric to a certain extent), at a distance. I don't like letting people in because I usually end up disappointed and hurt. It's not that I don't love the people in my life....a girl couldn't ask for better friends. I've just been through a lot and I know how things can happen. I don't want to sound so jaded, because it is such a cliche, but it is true. I don't like not being able to completely trust people, but that is the way I am. I've always been that way, even when I was a little girl. When my dad left my mom for some other lady when I was five, I refused to see him for over a year. That that is beyond the point. The point is, I don't like letting people get to close to me because I'm scared they will let me down.

My mistake is that I trusted someone recently. I completely opened up and let my guard down. I thought I had made a lifelong best friend who I could always turn to for support and guidance.

I was wrong, and boy.....it fucking stings.

I have never felt so betrayed. And rarely have I felt so hurt.

Oddly enough, I'm not as sad about the friendship ending as I am angry at myself for letting things get to the point to where I could feel so bad about it.

I know all of this sounds ridiculous, bitchy, whiny, etc., but I really needed to get it out.



In other news, Steve really helped me out last night. Thank you. I am forever indebted to you.